Treating Myself

I don't really do New Year's Resolutions anymore. Especially because the things that I would normally choose to work on, I'm already doing. I go to the gym more, I'm taking more time to read, I'm trying new things... but recently I noticed my unreal obsession with sweets. I think a couple nights ago when I picked up a cookie at lunch, brownie AND cookie after dinner, and then went back to the room and whipped out some chocolate from Christmas, I realized just how bad this was getting. Nothing can make me feel so good as chocolate, but I'm cutting myself off. For two months (62 days) at the very least I am no longer eating sweets in an attempt to get myself back in control. Sweets do not control me. Although walking out of the dining center and having to walk by the desert cart is pure torture. The cookies at lunch looked amazing and last night they had German chocolate cake. I swear I'm salivating right now. But that just proves I'm doing the right thing. My love affair with food, most especially sweets, needs to get under control. Today is day three. Only 59 more to go...

Today I have a day off from classes and a beautiful day in front of me. My goals:

• Get a cute outfit for going out tonight
• Go to the bookstore and get the books I'm missing still
• Find out how to return my Astronomy book
• Go for a walk outside
• Balance my checkbook
• Take care of some of the clutter which has already accumulated
• Do lots of reading for both of my lit classes
• Check out any upcoming auditions
• Write a letter
• Turn in my RA application

My dreams lately involve more and more of the same. I start out wondering, searching, looking for something that never seems to be revealed, but somehow I know that it involves you. I run into people who don't make sense, who point me in the wrong direction, or who tell me not to search anymore. And the minute I stop searching I realize you have been right behind me the whole time. Somehow I knew it but ignored it... how's that for symbolic? It's hard to wake up from those dreams. But I know I get to have you with me again soon, because you're persistent in my brain, on my mind. It's cruel that you aren't the way you appear in my dreams.

I think going to the gym is taking on a whole new thing this semester. I've always liked going to the gym once I could get myself there, but this time it's also about my alone time, some time spent in my head, pushing myself, going until it hurts, and it helps me get to sleep. I love feeling sore the next day, knowing that I worked myself to my full potential. I will definitely be there more, it helps me cope and reminds me that I'm doing right by me. And that's a good start to my year.