Childlike Hue

So let me take this moment to inform you on my next biggest obsession after sweets: Disneyland. The other day I was awoken to a text from a friend of mine who want to "talk Disney with someone who understands." I immediately missed that place. I'm hoping to take some sort of trip at the end of this summer and suddenly southern California with a day in Disneyland seemed plausible. I began to look at pictures online which makes me nostalgic for something I haven't necessarily lost. If you haven't been, you need to go. Especially for the child at heart, this is a wondrous place.

I can smell Splash Mountain's water, 

hear Madhatter's Teaparty theme music, feel that Socal sun, 

and taste the main street churros.

I can imagine the excitement and wonder of their fireworks shows,

remembering the times when I was little and thought the pirates shot real cannons (and always ducked),

feeling so nervous and excited about Indiana Jones and NEVER looking into the eye

And with all this talk from my southern California friends I miss exploring the completely different world that is Socal. I think I'll make it down there. I want it bad enough. But until then my summer daydreams continue, with a more childlike hue.

Miette & Baking

I have discovered the cutest bakery in the entire world, Miette (thanks to this woman, who I have been following). Like the little girl in the candy store that I was, I "oooo"d and "awww"d at just about everything. The way the pastries look on the website is how they are in-store, adorable. They have two locations in SF that I'm aware of, one at the ferry building and another on Chesnut Street (at the Marina). I just wanted to buy up all of their treats for myself and for my friends. It felt like springtime and sweets found each other at Miette's. My favorite things together. I dream about having a little place like this.

I'm home for a bit and have been taking advantage of my use of a kitchen. Today will consist of baking up some cupcakes I discovered a recipe for, and supplying the kitchen for "Deb's Famous Banana Pancakes" tomorrow morning. I also really want to make a pie or something to drop off at my Grandma's house, because she shares my passion for sweets and I'm sure she'd like to bring some to her friends in her Bible study. I cannot wait to have a kitchen next year no matter if I'm living on or off campus. I'll get to eat what I like when I like, and I will make my roommates quite fat while I continue to learn more things to bake and get better at general cooking.

Spoiled Little Girl

The past week or so has spoiled me. I loved waking to a sunny sky, the warmth of the day fast approaching. Everything looked brighter and friendlier. I felt refreshed when I woke up and anxious to get these pale limbs out in the sun's rays. I finally made it to the beach, that fantastic union of sand, sun, and surf. The sun extracted all of my energy and smiles and left behind the faintest red glow on my skin and one happy girl. I have been swallowed by sunshine and I could stay in that forever. I have been surrounded by so much love by my friends and family that I've been intoxicated, entranced by the promise of spring weather along with it. I have been one spoiled little girl.

Today it drizzled. Buzzkill.

I don't want to stay inside. Can't I play outdoors all day?? I'm getting restless. Please let me wake up to sunshine.

Please?

Incomplete Picture

Today I let myself sleep in. After a night of unsettling dreams and a pulled fire alarm at 3 AM, I decided to give myself a slower morning than usual. I love Thursdays since I have them mostly free and I am allowed to breathe so that I can take on Friday and approach my weekend with energy.

So as I went down to our dining hall for a simple breakfast and a cup of coffee, I brought along my latest book and sat myself by the window so that I could enjoy the sunshine that has graced us this past week. So as I sat in the semi-silence that is quiet private conversations of morning and birds outside announcing the day's beauty, I couldn't help thinking that this seemed so familiar and yet so incomplete. But I remembered what I needed. I needed to be at least four stories up, sitting on a balcony surrounded by a wrought iron railing, with the morning's humid breeze coming in right off the ocean just beyond the resort grounds. I needed soft Spanish music to be starting up below me and the activities director (Cesar) to begin water aerobics with cute old women in wide brim hats and one-piece bathing suits. I needed slightly swaying palm trees and gardeners watering the most beautiful flowers below. I needed the sound of flip-flopped beach-goers walking below me. I needed to be the only person of my family awake and to be sitting on this balcony in boxer shorts and a tank top with some fantastic book I was reading for pleasure and could not put down. I need brightly colored Spanish tiles and open-air lobbies. I needed Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I need our condo at Vallarta Torre. My whole body longs for it like no other. I miss you Puerto Vallarta, and I look forward to my return.

I need warmth and a beach so bad it hurts.

Forever Young

I'm going to be an awesome old woman. I'm actually fairly excited. Besides the decline of my health and overall youth, I think it should be fun. I'm going to wear whatever the hell I want, and love it. I could go gaudy glam some days, like the woman above, or go crazy bright and quirky like the lady below. I fully expect to wear hats with large bows, glitter, flowers, ribbons, maybe even feathers. I will have round glasses and the most awesome costume jewelry you have ever seen. I will spoil my grandchildren  like crazy or be the kind who gives them a nickel for tasks around my house. I will knit and have some sort of club or society that I attend. I will still bump my music (simply because I cannot hear it otherwise), I will still go dancing (even if it is at the senior center), and I will still laugh at anything that tickles me. I will occasionally tell tall tales, because I'm old, and I can. My kids and grandkids will go through my photos from this point in my life and talk about how no one dresses like that anymore, and be thrilled to see the life I lived and places I have traveled. I will still hit the gym, but it could be more like a step class, or water aerobics at the pool. I will go on cruises.

But most importantly,

I will still be living my life.

And that's all I can ask for.

Abracadabra

I know I haven't written in a while. I know. It has been... long.

Recently I find myself wanting to disappear. I go for walks alone, take long showers in a stall, loose myself in a large crowd, go into the big city alone, put in my headphones at the gym and get lost in my breathing on a run. I don't feel anti-social, I don't feel depressed. I just feel a weight, heavy in my chest, in my arms, legs, back. I needed alone time. I needed the times inside my head where I wasn't worried about entertaining anyone else, or where I could explore my thoughts without interruption.

So I found myself venturing out more often, taking time for myself. I went out for a walk on my own and happened upon a local band's performance. As I sat down at a table I realized no one knew me. No one seemed to be expecting my attention, no one even noticed that I was sitting near them. The band set up and played some beautiful music and I couldn't help smiling to myself. This is why I love the city. At any given time you could be totally alone or completely surrounded, however you choose to see it. I watched the people around me. I saw a girl who seemed absolutely captivated by a guy, but the guy didn't seem to notice. Another group was in an intense conversation, another group had some of the best laughs. It was so nice to just have a moment to breathe, to look around, and just enjoy a moment to myself. I'm doing more of that when I can. I drove myself insane by depriving myself of that.

I want to sketch again. I miss it. I was home the other day and stumbled on my old "How-To" art book. I used to go to a summer art camp. I still have some of my creations. I miss those. And I really miss being messy with various mediums at the end of the day. Charcoal, pencil, clay, paint... I wish I had kept more of my sketches, they were always the best. I had one entered for me in an art contest in the 6th grade. Came in 3rd. Not too shabby. I think I'll get back into it. I miss my creative outlets. Besides writing, of course. I have had more movie ideas than I can count. I have been writing them down, and the moment I have the time and means, I will absolutely execute them and post them here.

I can't wait. But until then, I continue to write. Sorry I've been MIA