Abracadabra

I know I haven't written in a while. I know. It has been... long.

Recently I find myself wanting to disappear. I go for walks alone, take long showers in a stall, loose myself in a large crowd, go into the big city alone, put in my headphones at the gym and get lost in my breathing on a run. I don't feel anti-social, I don't feel depressed. I just feel a weight, heavy in my chest, in my arms, legs, back. I needed alone time. I needed the times inside my head where I wasn't worried about entertaining anyone else, or where I could explore my thoughts without interruption.

So I found myself venturing out more often, taking time for myself. I went out for a walk on my own and happened upon a local band's performance. As I sat down at a table I realized no one knew me. No one seemed to be expecting my attention, no one even noticed that I was sitting near them. The band set up and played some beautiful music and I couldn't help smiling to myself. This is why I love the city. At any given time you could be totally alone or completely surrounded, however you choose to see it. I watched the people around me. I saw a girl who seemed absolutely captivated by a guy, but the guy didn't seem to notice. Another group was in an intense conversation, another group had some of the best laughs. It was so nice to just have a moment to breathe, to look around, and just enjoy a moment to myself. I'm doing more of that when I can. I drove myself insane by depriving myself of that.

I want to sketch again. I miss it. I was home the other day and stumbled on my old "How-To" art book. I used to go to a summer art camp. I still have some of my creations. I miss those. And I really miss being messy with various mediums at the end of the day. Charcoal, pencil, clay, paint... I wish I had kept more of my sketches, they were always the best. I had one entered for me in an art contest in the 6th grade. Came in 3rd. Not too shabby. I think I'll get back into it. I miss my creative outlets. Besides writing, of course. I have had more movie ideas than I can count. I have been writing them down, and the moment I have the time and means, I will absolutely execute them and post them here.

I can't wait. But until then, I continue to write. Sorry I've been MIA