Different Names for the Same Thing

As I laid down my head last night, I wished you would have been there. That when I laid down my head, I would be resting on you instead of this lame substitute of a pillow. You would put your arm around me, and we would talk about everything and nothing, and you would hold me as my eyes grew heavy, and not mind my falling asleep on you. But, just like almost every night previous, when my head came down it rested on cold pillow. I don't remember if I dreamed of you... I must have, since I have not really been trying to remember. Deep down I must know you show up there so frequently. Missing you is not the same when I don't know if you do the same, or if I'll ever even see you again. Is there another word for that? There should be, because this is not quite the same. Until I can think of another word, I miss you.