To Be or Not To Be

Today, during one of my classes, we discussed a book we've started reading (which I love!). In it there is a character, an old school teacher, who speaks of his original excitement to teach, how he hopes to inspire students and for the students to visit him and remember him very fondly as they go on. But this never happens. He hopes for a connection beyond the normal student-teacher relationship and for his students to become successful with his help. Some of the students are quite successful, but they never credit or visit him. As my professor described, "They got what they needed and moved on. He was a joke to them."

As someone who wants to teach, I was a tad horrified about his ends. He becomes a raging alcoholic, goes back on all his principles... What if, to some degree, I am this man. I very much hope to inspire and be the best possible teacher that I can. But if I'm not, or if the result is kids that move on unphased, does that ruin the dream? I'm not sure that it does for me, but is that just naive thought? It definitely shook me up. I like kids, I like English, and I would absolutely love to teach and bring that enthusiasm to my pupils. What happens if I don't? Do I shrug it off but go home still a little disheartened? Do I just have to know that I'm doing the best I can? I specifically decided I couldn't handle psychology (although I love it too, and both of my parents are psychologists) because my heart breaks so easily with people who can't get better when I'm trying to help.

Is teaching so different?

I'm taking a breather. I need to love what I do. And I believe that I'll love this, I just have trouble with the uncertain.